My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
