apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
