R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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