haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
