Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
