In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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