I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to calm my uterus...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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