Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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