ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
