best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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