So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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