There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
