billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
