Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
