he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
