I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
