Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize