I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
