Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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