The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
