Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
