Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
