My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
