You made me cry and you don't even care
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
