Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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