the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
