omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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