He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So drunk its hurt
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
