bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
