Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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