Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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