How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
