my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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