i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
