i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
then he tried to convert me to islam
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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