i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
