they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
