I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
