i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
