..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
