when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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