Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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