I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
