census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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