my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
