Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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