I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
