Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
