i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
