I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize