I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and she was petting her beer can
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
