Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize