Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
