that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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