i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
