I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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