Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
