party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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