Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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