also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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